WATER MODULE

PART III: SKILLS
LESSON 8: Healthy Attachment Reach & Response Practice (1)

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Lesson Objectives

Water Badges:

You've earned out of 3 Water Badges

[simple_tooltip content='Earning the Water INITIATE Badge means you have completed the content on all 33 lessons in the water module and have submitted your reflection question responses.'][/simple_tooltip]
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  WATER BENDER

  INITIATE

[simple_tooltip content='Earning the Water APPRENTICE Badge means you have submitted all 18 of the meditations and practices in the water module.'][/simple_tooltip]
%

  WATER BENDER

  APPRENTICE

[simple_tooltip content='Earning the Water Practitioner Badge means you have done 12 mini sessions received at least 3 sessions and given 10 Water Bending Sessions.'][/simple_tooltip]
%

  WATER BENDER

  PRACTITIONER

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LESSON SUMMARY

Lesson 8: Skills - Healthy Attachment Reach and Response Practice

In this lesson we practice rebuilding the natural skills that allow us to discharge emotions and learn how to be with intensity from others.  We get caught in reactivity...craving, grabbing, wanting, repelling, protecting, fighting, defending.  In this lesson we learn several practices to restore our ability to Discharge our emotions in a healthy way, relearning the natural processes that allow us to be in the immediacy of our emotions, feel them fully and release them completely.

LESSON CONTENT

Healthy Attachment Reach and Response Practice

PRACTICE#1: HEALTHY ATTACHMENT SKILLS LAB  WITH MARK TANAKA

 

  1. Notice what’s here.  Just pause and feel your body and feel your energy.  ASlow things down.  
  2. Greet what you are feeling.  Say hello to whatever you are feeling.  I feel you.  I’m here with you.  Just being recognized is a huge step and already healing for anyone with the oral compensation process who feel like no one is noticing that you have needs. No one is noticing you are suffering.  You are experiencing it all by yourself in confusion, overwhelm, and pain and that part only knows that in a way it is lost in that experience.   So we do this from self to self or receive it from another being. “Hi, I feel that place that feels a little tight and hidden where there’s some charge and containment. Yeah, I can feel that and I see you and it’s okay that you are here.” 
  3.  Recognize the relationship dynamic of your parts.  You start to feel a sense of an ‘other’ which is critical for healing.  It can be within your own system because you have multiple parts - the awareness, the observer, the adult self, the child self, the protectors, etc.   When there is a being there with that part, resourcing it,, meeting it, healing can start to happen.  When you start to do that for yourself, you’re stepping out of identification.  
  4. Notice the big energy there called ‘Need’ It's often too painful to feel the need. Because to feel the need also means to feel the pain of the need not being met. That's coupled with the need.  Some of us might have a bit of an aversion to that part of our systems because it's uncomfortable.
  5. Create connection to that part.  When you're feeling something in the body, that's the child part showing up.  We want to speak directly to that energy, to that part because we want to create connection.  Notice that I can speak mental or I can speak to the energy that's there in the field right now.
  6. Notice and follow your physical impulses.  Check your systems. If there's any impulse to move or wiggle or breathe, let it come through.
  7. Track and name any numbness or protectors.  Very likely there's a numb flat or blank layer that's the dorsal vagal system protecting itself. It's protecting itself from something that feels too much. There's a dam or a barrier there in the system.  Drop into the felt sense and when you track that barrier, notice that it's kind of like an outline or structure in the somatic experience, and as you feel that barrier again, acknowledge it and say hi to it. "Yeah. I see you." Help your system feel that it's being tuned into.
  8. Bring in in your curiosity to that area.  The barrier might feel like a wall or it might also feel like a numbness. It's just different flavors of it. So if it feels blank, notice that. If It feels like a boundary or a containing or holding in notice that. If it feels kind of like a dissociating quality notice that. This can be very hard to spot. It might be hard to identify.  Bring your curiosity there and hang out with it.
  9. Connect to boundlessness.  You can give your system a little relief by gradually including the experience of boundless space and even a flavor of water - an atmosphere of kindness, care, and tenderness.  Now, see what's there now.   
  10. Bring in an agendaless presence.  One of the things that we want to communicate through our presence with this particular part of us  is a quality of timelessness. We can hang out here as long as we need to.  Often there'll be an anxiety around that, in the part "when are you going to go away? It's not going to last." We are modeling the ideal inner parent who will let you know, "Hey, I'm here. I'm here to stay. I'm not going anywhere. 
  11. Allow and give that part permission to feel what it’s feeling.  It might still be nervous so just allow it permission and keep staying with any numbing or dissociating or tightening as protection mechanisms.  Say hi to the protectors.  Allow it to feel whatever emotions it’s feeling.  Be with it and validate it.  “You're right. You're damn right. That should have been there.” You needed that for your mature, healthy development of your body and your nervous system and your ego.   You can even embody the fierce protector. "Yeah, that's bullshit and you shouldn't have had to deal with that and I'm really sorry you went through that.”  Allow those parts to come to the foreground, which is what should have happened for that child part.
  12. Talk to those protector parts.  "I see that you've been holding things together for a long time and you've been protecting this part that's been needing protection. It's been needing support, containment. 'Cause it felt like it was too much. So thank you for protecting this part of me.  I appreciate you and I want you to know that I'm here now to help.” 
  13. Notice if that part can feel the presence of awareness.  Steady awake awareness presence, loving awareness presence, and see if you can feel the meeting point and then hang there, feel that meeting point.  Check in to see if they are feeling each other helping them meet.  If you succeed you’ll often feel an unwinding, a relaxing, or unfurling sense of almost leaning back or resting into something bigger that’s holding.  Duration is very important.  Hold that over time, long enough that it creates a sense of security and safety.  How long we were hanging out in these spots really is important with distrust issues, because the only way trust is built is not through words, not through telling you, it's through physical experience.   “This is my perimeter and you're right there. So we're cool. Maybe come closer next time.”  Attunement is important as that was what was lacking.
  14. Practice coming out from there for a moment.  Let your system know, "Hey, we'll be back here. I see you. Thank you. And I'll be back."   This is here and it’s always available and we can keep checking back in.  “I'm just going to pull back just to show you. I'm not here to harm you and there's nothing I want or need from you.
  15. Submit your practice below to earn points towards your Water Bender Apprentice Badge.

 

 

Downloadable Content


WATER MODULE WORKBOOK PART III

WATER BENDER
APPRENTICE PRACTICES

LAI Course Badges - Water Apprentice

WATER BENDER
APPRENTICE PRACTICES

Healthy Attachment Reach & Response Practices

Watch the videos from this lesson and do the Discharging Emotions and Skills Lab practices described here to earn points towards your Water Bender Apprentice Badge.

  1. Healthy Attachment Skills Lab Practice

 

Lesson Objectives

Water Badges:

You've earned out of 3 Water Badges

[simple_tooltip content='Earning the Water INITIATE Badge means you have completed the content on all 33 lessons in the water module and have submitted your reflection question responses.'][/simple_tooltip]
%

  WATER BENDER

  INITIATE

[simple_tooltip content='Earning the Water APPRENTICE Badge means you have submitted all 18 of the meditations and practices in the water module.'][/simple_tooltip]
%

  WATER BENDER

  APPRENTICE

[simple_tooltip content='Earning the Water Practitioner Badge means you have done 12 mini sessions received at least 3 sessions and given 10 Water Bending Sessions.'][/simple_tooltip]
%

  WATER BENDER

  PRACTITIONER

Get Support: